Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
