It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize