he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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