I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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