your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
