when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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