i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
