I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I touched a dick in church today
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
