I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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