coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
