I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
