so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
