i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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