Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am available for nakedness
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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