I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
