Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
