I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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