...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
