you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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