it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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