he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
