And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
