I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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