Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
