So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
