oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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