my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
