I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
