so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
