Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
