Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
