you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
