my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
