I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
