I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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