so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
