Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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