i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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