my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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