Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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