I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
