I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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