Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I pour the whiskey from now on
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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