I wish I could teleport
My balls are so social today.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
