Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize