please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
