I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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