I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
