I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
