sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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