Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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