I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
