Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
