She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
