I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
