Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
