My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
