I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
