Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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