my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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