You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
