So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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