Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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