I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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