when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
