you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
