Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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