all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The air taste purple.
Randomize
